11

I finally understand. The whole picture of it, now I know who I can count on. Honestly, I was so angry because I was forced to let it go when I am not capable of it yet. By them, and now by you. I will do it, when he gets his just desserts. Just not now, not when nothing is accomplished. You think I'm overly concerned of little things, well maybe I am. But guess what, that's just me wanting a little more fairness in this world. It's just me saying "if you say you're not fair and you show bias, then so be it. Say it and I'll let you be bias". That's just me saying "if you don't have the guts to say it, you jolly well not have the guts to do it either". How is that wrong? You saying it in my face that since I'm overly concerned of little things in my life, I can't amount to anything in life and then saying that you're on my side - that's not wrong, that's just plain dumb. Well too bad. Maybe I would believe you in the past. With that simple mind of mine. But right now, it's too late. I can't amount to anything in life? Yes, maybe. But that depends on what I want out of my life. I've made choices that leads me to never achieving success in the corporate world. That's fine. I'm totally clear on what I want and I'm well on my way to achieve it. What about you? If you don't even have an aim or if you don't know how to get there, don't go judging the capabilities of others. Anyway, you taught me something today. You woke me up and taught me that the only one I can be my true self in front of is Bboy. Honestly. I always thought once I have to hide my true self, my true emotions in front of my partner, it's a gone case. That's fine.
Today reminded me of an issue I have with you left unresolved. Well, not saying I'm going to resolve it. Just saying that I have not forgotten about it. Bro, I won't forget. Someday, your words will be used against you. And well, the two, they can act all they want. I'm not dumb.

10

Honestly, today's paper was just a torture. Thanks for the 3 hours when like 1/3 of the time spent was figuring out what the question wanted in the first place. How can something so easy be phrased in such a incomprehensible manner? Am I tested on my knowledge or my ability to comprehend weird English. I just feel so unjust because I tried. I spent my effort trying to understand but I felt like I just wasted my efforts. It's okay. It's time to move on.

I'm confused. At times, I feel like things are getting better and well, maybe with effort on both parts, we can really end up being happily ever after. Of course, not to forget some minor squabbles. But well, those are the good days. Today wasn't one of them. I'm sure you're busy. A simple word of concern wouldn't take up much of your time, would it? It's almost as if I'm just something that you give attention to as and when you want to. I'm sick of your excuses and your lies. You don't know it, cause frankly speaking, I can't and I don't want to spare my effort to quarrel over something else. Live and let live. It's just difficult when it happens so often and your statements are just so contradictory. It's fine. There will be a time when you finally understand. Sooner or later.

I know you're not the one. Somehow that mere few sentences of conversation just doesn't feel much of an impact to me. I don't know if it means anything permanent. Let's just wait and see. At least it gives me a sense of satisfaction that I'm not like him or those that I fear of becoming. Thank you. (: