33

Cause blogging calms me down.

I must say, the last 5 days have been tough. Somehow, time just seem to pass faster when you're around and even more so, when we're together. I guess, what I'm trying to say here is, I'm just really thankful you're back safe and sound. Aside from that heat rash.


It's my last semester. Amongst all the other concerns about finding a job that checks all the boxes, I'm just hoping to find that determination to stay true to my heart. 5 years down the road, I hope to be able to say, "I'm glad I made these choices in my university life."

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right choice 3 years ago. Thinking back, capable friends, more overseas opportunities, 50% off tuition fees and exchange and not to mention a confidence boost sure sounds like a great deal. It's nice seeing everyone most of us doing so well, but it puts pressure on the rest of us. And it's just incredibly hard to live up to the same expectations.

I'm just glad I took on a different path. Don't forget, you don't need years of sacrifices to get to the same end goal if you know exactly what you want.

On a side note, congratulations. Being the first to sign that paper, you sure have done yourself, your parents and all of us proud. It's really hard for me to be a closer friend but I hope you treasure what you have, be proud of what you have achieved and don't forget to live life to your fullest.

Everyone needs a reminder not to lose track of what is most important in life.

Seems like I'd never get a break. Damn, I hate school. Year 4 is supposed to be chill.

32

For once, I want to be the housemate.

I think as parents, it's easy to lose track of what the real argument is.
Wait who am I kidding, if you guys can lose track of that, then maybe I should be the parent instead.

Well, one thing makes sense though, it's our life and our decision lies in which path to take. And ultimately, we bear the consequences of our actions. We're old enough to know and think about the impacts our decisions have, on ourselves and on the family. Then again, seems like I'm the only sensible one.

The whole time I was saying about the principle of obeying rules, not being gender specific, and I'm sure the only thing on your minds is whether I was doing the same thing. All your responses were about girls losing out. Hmm, is what way does that even relate to him not obeying rules? Did I even say that I am trying to do the same thing? I'm not a fucking slut.

And it's funny. This same old shit has been happening over and over again. But somehow, the whole thing just blows over and I get angry all over again when it happens the next time. So I'm sure this time isn't going to be any different. For the record, it's here for me to look at and think about.

Maybe I lost a brother a long time ago.

Hey baby, I don't know if you can read this from where you are right now. And even though you're probably feeling shitty being in the shitty place, I still wish I was there with you. Cause where we are doesn't matter, I just really need you by my side. Ahh well, just 24.5 more hours till I get to hold you in my arms.
I love you, baby! ♥

31

And I'm 22.

I don't know how many people have heard my 16th birthday story but I'm definitely not exaggerating when I say it has left me scarred for life. HAHA. Okay I don't hate you as much anymore but you still didn't have to do that then. Anyway, I have never looked forward to my birthday celebrations since then.

I probably still don't.

All I know is, I want to spend my remaining birthdays with you.

I guess what really suck about celebrating your birthday is the immense pressure to be more sensible and more sure of what you're doing and what you want in life. Grr, that feeling of everyone's expectation for you to just grow up. I hate growing up.

Every birthday, thanks to you, I'm now burden with the thought that I have to be wiser for I shouldn't just be celebrating the passing of 365 days. Well, I guess this year, I felt more enlightened than all the years before.

Most of my friends, if not all, think that I've made a rash decision 143 days ago. Whether it's rash or not, I guess it doesn't matter. Especially when every passing day makes me feel even more relieved that I chose to say yes. When you love someone so hard and everything fell apart, it's hard to let your guard down to let someone else in again. I must say, when we first got together, I couldn't. I always said that I date with the intention of marrying. But that first few weeks, my explanation was just "let's see how things go". I don't know if you know it, and how you'll feel to know this now. But all you need to know is, that changed. As we spend more and more time together, it's just so easy to picture my future, our future. Like you say "it's the little things" that made the drama so touching and enjoyable, "it's the little things" that you do that make me smile and feel so touched inside. I really am, super lucky, to have you by my side. And I'd do anything to keep you here. My 22nd birthday, I spent it with you. If I could replay it a million times (Hallelujah, chance!), I'd choose to do the same.

Thank you, baby. I really can't imagine life without you anymore. So please keep loving me the way you do now.
And here's to the next 70 years of our lives together.
♥

30

I haven't had the time to really think about how I feel about my new room. In a geek-mathematic sort of way, what is the net cost/benefit? And I guess there's plenty of other factors that come into play, all the recent events that seemingly affected my mood. Well, that's pretty damn difficult to distinguish how different I feel from my new room itself. But let's try...

The convenience now that I have a big ass mirror that can finally act as sort of a dressing table that I so dearly desire or the inconvenience of my king-size bed that makes getting around my room somewhat difficult?

The comfort of waking up in a huge bed knowing that no matter how wide I stretch and how much I roll about in my sleep, I'm still on the bed and under my fluffy quilt or the discomfort from not knowing when my huge boyfriend is going to hit his head from the narrow walking space and low-hanging cabinet?

And of course, the warm feeling that my parents are always so readily to spend their hard earned money just to get that smile on my face or stop me from whining and begging :p. Sometimes, it makes me feel like a spoilt brat. But, same old theory that's running in my mind, whatever you take you give back.

I really miss you guys. Somehow, even though I guess I have more freedom when you both are overseas, and it's only been two days -.- but I just can't help but want you guys back to nag at me and make this house just slightly noisier. I wish you knew. I wish you were here to right things. And I really wish he just doesn't stay here anymore.
Nothing but inconvenience.

Blogging helps keep my mind off complicated issues that I know I really shouldn't be poking my nose into. I guess it didn't help. It's funny how regularly there's rage posts about you. You're right, weed out the people that have bad influence on you. Cause sometimes, you are defined by the people that you associate yourself with but this time, I really don't see how you have been a good brother.

Gee, what a long post :/