24

It's hard to tell you that I know you're depressed and sometimes no matter how busy you are, you can't get your mind off her. And it's even harder to tell you that the "what-ifs" don't stop. You just need to constantly make conscious choices to get her out of your mind. I'm thankful that you two are in different schools, cause it will be so much easier. And I wanna say that, no matter what, we'll be here for you! It's sad for us to see you like this because we want the best for you. But it doesn't mean that we'll stop wanting to be with you or we think that you changed. You're still the same person, deep down inside (especially when you talk about JP). And one day, you'll go back to being you. (: We'll be waiting for that day!

Remember how I said sometimes I need a break because I'd go back to thinking about him? I want you to know that she'll always be part of you, somehow. But that will not stop you from moving on. And things will get better. You just have to have faith that she'll just be a memory in future. Until then, I still get to say "IDC about N".

Awkward waves are nice because I wouldn't know how to start a topic with you anymore and maybe it'll just be considered meaningless small talk. I just hope you're fine. Such a turn of events but I still want you to stay firm to your decision cause it's still the best for you.

RAR I don't know how to start. I get why you're like this and that you have always been, for as long as I can remember. Let's just not go back to secondary school days, I can't do that again. It's just not right. And I'm not that me anymore. I hate when you guys make me regret doing something right.

Spring cleaning made me realise maybe I hung onto you a little longer than I should have.

So excited for SUMMER that I realised maybe I got my priorities wrong. Ahh well, I'm not really graduating yet anyway :/

23

& it's SUMMER ❤

I'm officially left with one final semester. You're right. Even though there's plenty of people feeling so nostalgic about the end of school, I guess we're the only two who just don't really care and can't wait to get out of school. RAR. Sometimes I feel like I don't even know what I'm doing for the past 22 years of my life. Ahh well. :p

Honestly, this semester has passed super quickly, despite my inability to cope with the huge change from being on exchange. There's just so many unexpected changes in my life this semester. All those people that I've managed to, painfully , give up and one that I just can't seem to. Well, I guess I'm just plain thankful for the both of you.

"A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out."

Walter Winchell

I miss you. That quote reminds me of you and how your simple action made me hang on to this friendship. We're so far apart now but I hope everything's going well for you! I guess I'm not worried cause I'm sure you know that I'm always here, should you ever need me.

K I'M DONE. Can't wait to see The BFF tomorrow. WHAT ARE WE GOING TO EAT.

OMG. I know. The Sushi Bar or the-other-one-that-you-say-is-better. YUMZ.

22

I honestly haven't decided if I regret telling you my blog address. Cause it seems like I cannot make a post without thinking if it'll affect anything. Just like how I told Cavan not to write a journal with giving it to Natalie as the end in mind.

When I walked past you, I really can't help but feel half irritated half I-told-you-so. Just like how I know you would feel when you see me with him. With time, that will turn into indifference. For now, I'm just glad it's no longer a hateful feeling anymore.

I no longer know how to give you advice because your relationship is so dysfunctional different that the problem lies in not the relationship but the two of you. You think she is childish and a problem of her own, but you are nowhere lacking in flaws yourself. All I can say is, if both of you are not actively trying to solve things, you're just wasting each other's time. And well sometimes, I really can't wait for you to move out.

Here comes the hard part and I'm not even sure if I want you to be reading this or not. Let's start with something easy; I realised I've moved on from wanting to create a future with A when you started being the first and last person I think of everyday. And subtly, I just had to slowly drift away from him because I wanted to cause minimal pain. I keep saying that you're not the reason why I gave up on him but I can't say for sure it's a 100% true. But in any case, I'm glad WE happened.

I don't know how to tell you this in person or over text and I don't know if it's a good thing for you to know. You said you were jaded and I changed the way you view relationships. And that's why you love me so much. Well, in the same situation, I am too. I guess I just gave too much in my previous relationship and he let me down so badly that it's hard for me to commit to that extent again. Give me time, baby. You're still the first and last person I think of everyday. And I want that to stay a constant.
❤

7 years back, you told me: find a guy who loves you more than you love him. And we're not even friends anymore, I still remembered that until now. Maybe finally I found someone who loves me more than I love him and who makes me love him a little more every single day.

21

Cause this is the only place you can't reach.

I tried and I'm still trying. Cause you mean so much to me as a friend and I'm just not willing to give up on someone like you. We've gone through so much shit together for the past 2+ years that I'm willing to wait for you to get better.

I just need you to get your shit together so that we can finally go back to the way we were before once again... What is production without your friendship?

20

I don't know how I am feeling. May time heal me from the inside.

On a side note, remember not to judge anyone. Crime shows teach me so much.

“Of all the preposterous assumptions of humanity over humanity, nothing exceeds most of the criticisms made on the habits of the poor by the well-housed, well- warmed, and well-fed.” ― Herman Melville

I will do this, even if it means doing it myself. I'm more than this. I'm Superman.

19

突然好想你 - Mayday

最怕空气突然安静
最怕朋友突然的关心
最怕回忆 突然翻滚绞痛著
不平息
最怕突然 听到你的消息
想念如果会有声音
不愿那是悲伤的哭泣
事到如今
终于让自己属于 我自己
只剩眼泪 还骗不过自己
突然好想你

你会在哪里
过得快乐或委屈
突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛
我们像一首最美丽的歌曲
变成两部悲伤的电影
为什么你
带我走过最难忘的旅行
然后留下 最痛的纪念品
我们 那么甜那么美那么相信
那么疯那么热烈的曾经
为何我们还是要奔向各自的幸福和遗憾中老去
突然好想你

I miss you. & I wonder if you still read this.
Cause I'm still waiting.

18

I need to write this one post so I don't vent it out on people that do not deserve it. I guess ultimately, it's not up to us to question your priorities and to be there to tell you what to do or even to not be a hypocrite. It's fine. We know we are not your top priority, in fact we are far from that. We don't need you. You don't know how replaceable you are. That's fine. May. 9 May will the final day that we need you. After that, we're moving on..

Disappointments come from a mismatch of expectations and reality. And I guess all I can say is, you have no ability to plan. Not just you, the whole scene of you. It just makes me sure that I never want to put dance as my priority. I never want to fall into the trap of prioritising my personal growth and commitments over my passions and impulsive actions. That's you, not me.

FM has come a long way. With you or without you, we will progress and grow. Maybe someday you'll see your flaws and your irresponsible actions. But till then, we'll do just fine without you. In fact, we'll do better without you.