22

I honestly haven't decided if I regret telling you my blog address. Cause it seems like I cannot make a post without thinking if it'll affect anything. Just like how I told Cavan not to write a journal with giving it to Natalie as the end in mind.

When I walked past you, I really can't help but feel half irritated half I-told-you-so. Just like how I know you would feel when you see me with him. With time, that will turn into indifference. For now, I'm just glad it's no longer a hateful feeling anymore.

I no longer know how to give you advice because your relationship is so dysfunctional different that the problem lies in not the relationship but the two of you. You think she is childish and a problem of her own, but you are nowhere lacking in flaws yourself. All I can say is, if both of you are not actively trying to solve things, you're just wasting each other's time. And well sometimes, I really can't wait for you to move out.

Here comes the hard part and I'm not even sure if I want you to be reading this or not. Let's start with something easy; I realised I've moved on from wanting to create a future with A when you started being the first and last person I think of everyday. And subtly, I just had to slowly drift away from him because I wanted to cause minimal pain. I keep saying that you're not the reason why I gave up on him but I can't say for sure it's a 100% true. But in any case, I'm glad WE happened.

I don't know how to tell you this in person or over text and I don't know if it's a good thing for you to know. You said you were jaded and I changed the way you view relationships. And that's why you love me so much. Well, in the same situation, I am too. I guess I just gave too much in my previous relationship and he let me down so badly that it's hard for me to commit to that extent again. Give me time, baby. You're still the first and last person I think of everyday. And I want that to stay a constant.
❤

7 years back, you told me: find a guy who loves you more than you love him. And we're not even friends anymore, I still remembered that until now. Maybe finally I found someone who loves me more than I love him and who makes me love him a little more every single day.