32

For once, I want to be the housemate.

I think as parents, it's easy to lose track of what the real argument is.
Wait who am I kidding, if you guys can lose track of that, then maybe I should be the parent instead.

Well, one thing makes sense though, it's our life and our decision lies in which path to take. And ultimately, we bear the consequences of our actions. We're old enough to know and think about the impacts our decisions have, on ourselves and on the family. Then again, seems like I'm the only sensible one.

The whole time I was saying about the principle of obeying rules, not being gender specific, and I'm sure the only thing on your minds is whether I was doing the same thing. All your responses were about girls losing out. Hmm, is what way does that even relate to him not obeying rules? Did I even say that I am trying to do the same thing? I'm not a fucking slut.

And it's funny. This same old shit has been happening over and over again. But somehow, the whole thing just blows over and I get angry all over again when it happens the next time. So I'm sure this time isn't going to be any different. For the record, it's here for me to look at and think about.

Maybe I lost a brother a long time ago.

Hey baby, I don't know if you can read this from where you are right now. And even though you're probably feeling shitty being in the shitty place, I still wish I was there with you. Cause where we are doesn't matter, I just really need you by my side. Ahh well, just 24.5 more hours till I get to hold you in my arms.
I love you, baby! ♥

31

And I'm 22.

I don't know how many people have heard my 16th birthday story but I'm definitely not exaggerating when I say it has left me scarred for life. HAHA. Okay I don't hate you as much anymore but you still didn't have to do that then. Anyway, I have never looked forward to my birthday celebrations since then.

I probably still don't.

All I know is, I want to spend my remaining birthdays with you.

I guess what really suck about celebrating your birthday is the immense pressure to be more sensible and more sure of what you're doing and what you want in life. Grr, that feeling of everyone's expectation for you to just grow up. I hate growing up.

Every birthday, thanks to you, I'm now burden with the thought that I have to be wiser for I shouldn't just be celebrating the passing of 365 days. Well, I guess this year, I felt more enlightened than all the years before.

Most of my friends, if not all, think that I've made a rash decision 143 days ago. Whether it's rash or not, I guess it doesn't matter. Especially when every passing day makes me feel even more relieved that I chose to say yes. When you love someone so hard and everything fell apart, it's hard to let your guard down to let someone else in again. I must say, when we first got together, I couldn't. I always said that I date with the intention of marrying. But that first few weeks, my explanation was just "let's see how things go". I don't know if you know it, and how you'll feel to know this now. But all you need to know is, that changed. As we spend more and more time together, it's just so easy to picture my future, our future. Like you say "it's the little things" that made the drama so touching and enjoyable, "it's the little things" that you do that make me smile and feel so touched inside. I really am, super lucky, to have you by my side. And I'd do anything to keep you here. My 22nd birthday, I spent it with you. If I could replay it a million times (Hallelujah, chance!), I'd choose to do the same.

Thank you, baby. I really can't imagine life without you anymore. So please keep loving me the way you do now.
And here's to the next 70 years of our lives together.
♥

30

I haven't had the time to really think about how I feel about my new room. In a geek-mathematic sort of way, what is the net cost/benefit? And I guess there's plenty of other factors that come into play, all the recent events that seemingly affected my mood. Well, that's pretty damn difficult to distinguish how different I feel from my new room itself. But let's try...

The convenience now that I have a big ass mirror that can finally act as sort of a dressing table that I so dearly desire or the inconvenience of my king-size bed that makes getting around my room somewhat difficult?

The comfort of waking up in a huge bed knowing that no matter how wide I stretch and how much I roll about in my sleep, I'm still on the bed and under my fluffy quilt or the discomfort from not knowing when my huge boyfriend is going to hit his head from the narrow walking space and low-hanging cabinet?

And of course, the warm feeling that my parents are always so readily to spend their hard earned money just to get that smile on my face or stop me from whining and begging :p. Sometimes, it makes me feel like a spoilt brat. But, same old theory that's running in my mind, whatever you take you give back.

I really miss you guys. Somehow, even though I guess I have more freedom when you both are overseas, and it's only been two days -.- but I just can't help but want you guys back to nag at me and make this house just slightly noisier. I wish you knew. I wish you were here to right things. And I really wish he just doesn't stay here anymore.
Nothing but inconvenience.

Blogging helps keep my mind off complicated issues that I know I really shouldn't be poking my nose into. I guess it didn't help. It's funny how regularly there's rage posts about you. You're right, weed out the people that have bad influence on you. Cause sometimes, you are defined by the people that you associate yourself with but this time, I really don't see how you have been a good brother.

Gee, what a long post :/

29

Year 2015. I guess everyone celebrates their twenty-first like it's a big deal and all, but this birthday would mean so much more to me than the last. I'm proud to say that I've grown so much over the course of this year. I've learnt so much, from all the conflicts that happened, the tragic events that I'm forced to face and the warmth I can always hide in when the world gets too much for me to handle. I've always said "I can do it" but ultimately, I learnt that sometimes, it's okay to admit otherwise. Thinking back, I remember how we'd stay strong and force back our tears so she knows that in times of weakness, she can always count on us. Even though, it eventually ended up with the three of us in tears. I'd never want to go back to that and I wish time could just stop here, right now.

It's been ages since I finally got around to really packing and clearing up unwanted things in my life. Seeing all those little gifts, notes and letters helped enlighten me about how easy it is to say "I'd always be here" or "if you ever need me". I'm not saying I need you, or you, or you.. cause I don't. I have never hesitated before cutting people off from my life or dumping useless things that were only gathering dust.
A full bag of rubbish with every hour I spend clearing junk.

Some things change, some things don't. I will try to care less.

I hate your salted egg sotong la :x

28

That was so cute. I miss you and I can't wait for the weekends.

27

I hope you know that we are all here for you. Right now's not the right time. To be honest, I wonder if you'll ever grief the way I've seen anyone did. Seven years is a long time, but you know she's right when she said "you don't love her enough". It doesn't matter now, just put the past behind you, concentrate on the present and the future will naturally come.
I'm still torn between wanting to help you and being alone.

These two months have flown by. Mixed feelings as I approach my last semester and it almost feels like I have nothing to look forward to anymore. I still don't know what I want, that's almost as terrifying as not knowing what I don't want either. It's hard being confused and stressed when it's so natural just living life by passing each day. And then again, it's nice to have small milestones to focus on for the past twenty-two years.
Urgent but unimportant things.
I'll never forget your words, but at least I'm old enough to interpret them in my own way, and to see for myself how you have neglect those non-urgent yet super important things.

I can't wait for the new change, just 6 more days. At least, it's something else to look forward to. Maybe the nicest holiday I've ever had. No homework, no deadlines, no commitments and just doing whatever my heart feels like.

Two more months.

There's slowly a bridge forming and I want to tell you that it's not because of him. You're right when you say you hate it when you find out your friends lie to you. But she's right when she said I choose my friends wisely. It's hard to stay angry at you but it doesn't change the fact that I no longer enjoy spending time with you. And today is the last day of classes.

26

A.S.S.H.O.L.E.

I don't like spending time with you anymore. It's always what you like to do, what you want to talk about and where you want to go to. I'm damn annoyed but then again, how do you tell someone that they are too self-centred? What's with all the self-centred people in my life? Just stop bothering me, a few hours a week is bad enough.

HAHA, a big I-told-so from 7 years back. Thanks for not listening to me, cause it seems like you both hate her more than I ever did.

Random bad nights that make me fear that you're going to be right. Let's just hope only one person know me better than I know myself. I need something to keep me busy.

Things will be better. Really?

Grapefruit juice :x